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 “Cooking and Screaming” is the first book by Nosheteria blog creator Adrienne Kane. The title’s addendum, “Finding My Own Recipe for Recovery,” and the prominent wooden spoon featuring the words “A memoir” on the cover appear as a warning: this is not a cookbook. Kane struggled with her culinary identity for years after suffering a near-fatal brain hemorrhage in her hometown of Berkeley, California, at the age of 21. She had initially planned on writing a cookbook, but soon realized that she had a much more interesting, and personal, story to tell. “Cooking and Screaming” is a memoir written by an experienced chef, and each recipe is carefully selected as representative to an epoch in Kane’s life, marking both her arduous path to recovery as well as her discovery of reignited passions in the kitchen.
The
clinical name for Kane’s affliction is AVM, or arterio-venous
malformation. Its immediate effects included the complete paralysis of
the right side of her body, and the befuddlement of both speech and
vision. Once an accomplished dancer and home cook, Kane was forced to
live a half-life, to watch as her well-sculpted muscles succumbed to
atrophy and to accept the meager bills of fare at both the hospital and
recovery center. Memories of physical therapy, soggy Bolognese and
salty junk food are punctuated with reflections on the past. Initially,
these memories are wistful, detailing a prevalent anger at her current
situation and a need to dwell in the past. Kane constructs her memoir
perfectly, allowing the reader to feel as she had felt at the moment,
rather than a perfunctory “looking back on it all” sort of tale.
As Kane begins to awaken from her sensory slumber, the kitchen becomes a focal point to her growth, rather than a mere vehicle for regaining what she had lost. An English major at Berkeley, Kane had always though herself destined to be a teacher, reveling in her sense of direction and focus when so many in her class were clueless. Post AVM, Kane’s most difficult admission was her loss of her comfort in the definite. There was no answer to “what now,” when all aspirations were put on indefinite hold. Kane tried to regain her pre-AVM life through tutoring, only to find that she really didn’t want to be a teacher after all, a terrifying prospect.
Growing up in California, Kane’s life was intrinsically tied to the local restaurants, bakeries and markets. Relearning technique as a left-handed chef was undoubtedly a daunting task, and Kane’s increasingly repaired motor functions are equivalent with their larger role in the kitchen. Her limp right hand becomes a bastion for the grater as well as an anchor for wayward fruits and vegetables on the cutting board. A catering career begun in trepidation soon becomes a solid means of income as well as accomplishment. Kane often views her achievements with the perspective of a surprised outsider. She begins her debut back into society as an altered woman with understandable trepidation. Without the impassioned guidance and support of friends and family, her life would have certainly been different.
Kane had always harbored a passion for cooking, and though her blog Nosheteria proved successful, her foray into publishing was rocky at best. A career begun with a love for food, passion for taste and an innate creative sense is difficult to wrestle into a focused cookbook, especially when the author intentionally creates personal distance. After moving to New York to fulfill her journalistic ambitions, Kane’s ambition to be published wasn’t a matter of “if” but “when.” The “what now” question had finally been decided, however unfortunate her timing—Kane’s move to New York occurred in the dead heat of summer.
Through another friendly suggestion, Kane began to consider publishing a memoir, detailing her personal relationship with food and its role in her recovery. Kane’s authorial voice undergoes distinct maturation throughout the relatively short book, and each recipe is wonderfully written, in a style that suggests delicious simplicity and structure. “Cooking and Screaming” provides the perfect pairing of both culinary and personal discovery. The reader cannot help but be impressed with Kane’s story, however reluctant she was at first to tell it.
-Natalie Fasano
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